Clothes encounter of the nerd kind

Hello you golden compass.

Amongst many other things, I have been thinking these past few weeks about something quite mundane. And that something is clothing.  But first a bit of scene-setting...

It is strange to have to keep reminding myself of this fact, but in case you forget too, here is your daily reminder that time doesn't stop just because there is a global pandemic. I think because so many days seem to fly by without much variation, the human experience of time really does take on a life of its own. Thank goodness I live in a place that has four distinct seasons to help mark the natural rhythms of the earth, and also to remind me that it is not June anymore....  

And so here we all are-- basking in the long shadows and rusty, toasty glow of brisk mid-October sunscapes, and bracing against the chilliness in the air that will soon turn from frosty to downright icy.  Remember icy? It's coming (again)! As things unfolded in early spring, the shock of the pandemic transitioned into stoic resignation, but we faced the newness of the situation amid blossoms, blooms and verdant greenness. So as summer took hold and we settled into some of the new reality, we were also able to change how we showed up in the world physically, which was compounded by the need to being outdoors more and more (whether to scratch the social itch, or just to feel what it is like to have skin and be a human in nature). 

As the autumn trundles forward and we begin transitioning back into winter (and a pretty big spike in COVID cases as the predicted "second wave" hits), I have been thinking about this collective process of moving back indoors again, and what it means for how we show up in the world. As we looked at in the last dispatch, there are lots of things one can consider as part of preparing for a pandemic winter. But one surprising one that I seem to be confronted with lately is my changing relationship to clothing.  This (literal?) navel gazing comes in part from the incredible nuance and detail that one can be confronted with when you have no choice but to build an intimate relationship with oneself.  In that practice, the mundane day-to-day tasks become more noticeable for what they do-- or don't-- bring to the quality of one's life.

This recent reflective mood around clothing also comes from a place of curiosity for me, since I am NOT a fashion person. Actually perhaps it is less that I am not a fashion person, and more that I am not someone who has had a lot of success understanding how my exterior reflects who I am as a person. As many people can attest (my family perhaps most of all-- this lack of clothing capacity goes WAAAAY back), I have always been awkward when it comes to choosing clothing, putting colors together and generally adorning my body. Fashion for me has never really been as much a creative outlet as it is a perpetual (and often frustrating) dance of attempting to feel personally and physically comfortable in clothing while also secondarily guessing at how others are experiencing what I am wearing. Honestly, most days I would have a running ticker in my head asking "Is this how we do it? Is this an 'outfit'? Am I doing it?" 

But I wasn't really doing it. And still don't really do it well. But it's not a big deal. The fact that I don't really understand clothing and fashion didn't bother me too much then, and it doesn't bother me much now. The difference this autumn seems to be that I have a stronger sense of what I actually WANT to be wearing. Clothing for me has always a felt a little bit like I am putting things on my body for others-- it was rare that I felt beautiful in or emotionally connected to the clothes I was wearing. But as I start restricting my exposure to the outside world again-- both because of the pandemic and because of the weather-- I just seem to care a lot less about what I am putting on my body. Not because people don't see me (I spend a LOT of time on zoom). And not in a resigned way either. More in a "why did I care so much about this?" way. I don't feel a numbing-- I feel a curious liberation.

I thought this article did a nice job of capturing some parts of this day-to-day esoteric grappling with our outward appearance, in saying: 
 

"What beauty demands, and what we want from it, is so far from scientific. To pursue beauty is to be constantly navigating the impossible tension of trying to make life in a body bearable, even joyful, amid ever-expanding standards that define what is understood as beautiful. Mainstream science is seen as objective and empirical; beauty is subjective and slippery. Science demands a question it can answer, a hypothesis to start from. But what we are asking from beauty is so far beyond those bounds: we are asking to be seen and loved, to be powerful or protected or both, to be seen as good and deserving in a world that equates those characteristics with beauty, to accept ourselves and be accepted. Our beauty practices may be experimental, but they are also ritual and refuge."

I think I used to use clothes in some of these ways: to make life in a body more bearable, to feel powerful, to feel protected. But beauty felt elusive, or perhaps even irrelevant in some ways. Deep down, I think I was trying to feel comfortable-- in and with my body-- but whether for beauty or for comfort, my frame of reference was not myself: it was others.  Nowadays, I find more and more that I am asking myself what I would find delightful to wear. Clothes are becoming less about style and more about lifestyle. And I like this change.

Some of this change is being played out in the day-to-day experience of my body. For example, this may seem crazy to some people, but last month I ordered the first wireless bras I have ever owned in my adult life, and oh my god who invented underwire and why are we torturing ourselves like that? Women, if you have not already done so, ditch the underwire!! I am also embracing more of the tights-and-a-tunic vibe, enjoying more of my colorful socks, wear far fewer cardigans and more wraps-- and don't get me started on the joys of the house dress (also known as the fashion statement of 2020). I think these shifts are connected to the need we all have to become more gentle with ourselves in these chaotic times, and also hopefully more aware of the choices we make that influence how we experience the world, and impact the world. 

For me, this shift in perspective is also manifesting itself in the way I understand how clothing dovetails with my identity and priorities. For example, while they seem to be polarizing for some people, I think I am going to be wearing masks for the rest of my life in some form or fashion (pun intended). I used to get sick a lot, and when I get sick, I stay sick for months. But now I can do things to protect myself, like wear a mask. Pandemic or no pandemic: why the freg would I not wear a mask in high-risk situations? So I will. And that feels really good. (Although on the flip side: I will confess that I miss wearing earrings sometimes-- I used to wear them daily, but they are just not very practical with mask-wearing).  

All of this has also made me reflect on buying clothes-- or more specifically NOT buying them. Again, I was not a big clothing shopper-- indeed the vast majority of the clothes in my closet are from Value Village. But people are increasingly making the case for never buying new clothes again, and finding joy in old clothing. And I am into it. I have done a bit, but I want to make more of my own clothing, and be more thoughtful about the things I bring into my home to adorn my body. We all know about accumulation and its discontents, and I feel like with the fast-fashion movement in particular, clothing is at the forefront of our hyper-consumptive habits as a culture. Aside from the aforementioned online wireless bra purchase, I have not really been clothes shopping since January, and am looking forward to continuing that trend.  

So that's it! I remain interested in (and a little surprised by) my evolving relationship with clothing right now. But I really welcome the reflection. The pandemic has forced all of us to question so many things about ourselves and the world around us. Noticing these sorts of small shifts with something relatively superficial like clothing can feel trivial and insignificant.  But I don't actually think it is that trivial. Clothing is connected to one's identity (for better or for worse), and in my opinion even a small shift in one's experience of self is worth the effort to identify and explore.    

But wait! Perhaps all of this talk of fashion is feeling a bit too intense on a sunny Sunday morning?  Well then with winter looming, check out this absolutely lovely short animated poem about how to be at home right now (thanks for sharing Abe!)  

Still too much realness?  Then please enjoy this fabulous old clip of Barbara Streisand and Judy Garland singing on live TV back in the 60s. SO AWESOME!!!!!   

From one fashion-backwards person to another, I am glad that we can appreciate our external appearances together. I hope you enjoyed this dispatch, and have a comfort-filled week!

Until next-next Sunday,
The Earnest Platypus