Grin and bear it (or not)
Hello you love in the time of cholera.
Well friends, it is Saturday evening and I am still at a bit of a loss as to what to write about in this week's dispatch. Not because there is nothing to talk about, obviously. When I mentioned my writers block to my family this afternoon in our daily Fam Jam Whatsapp call, they shared a few cool ideas:
Write about the first signs of spring, about "Mud Season" and making the best of the shoulder season we are in literally and metaphorically.
Write about the slew of new simple pleasures that gently appear in this moment (for those of us not on the front lines) as we are forced to slow down and our lives become more simple and still.
Write about the delightful ways in which communities are coming together and supporting each other and themselves with art, music and heart.
These are all beautiful ideas. And maybe I will dig into one or all of them at some point. (Or maybe you are inspired to write about one of these suggestions-- or something completely different. Guest writers are always welcome!) The suggestions they shared definitely jive with the Platypus vibe. But I think the issue right now is that I am not feeling the Platypus vibe myself. There is so much to observe, to feel, to reflect on, to analyse, to share and generally to process in this moment. And I know how privileged I am to be one of the people who can/has to slow down, that I am so lucky to have a safe comfortable home in which to bunker down, and to have all of my basic needs met. I can see that, and I feel so much gratitude for my situation.
But amid all of that gratitude, as I alluded to last week, I am also (still) feeling guilty and adrift as I watch the enormous sacrifice that others are making on behalf of all of us: how the many people working on the frontline (medical personnel in particular, but also grocery store employees, bureaucrats, NGO workers, delivery people, etc...) they are putting themselves in harms way and are often throwing their entire, exhausted selves into helping protect and/or save those of us who are at risk.
Perhaps my general angst is a form of meta-privilege: where, from the safety of my home, I am grappling with trying to find a balance between the feelings of gratitude and the feelings of guilt about my privilege. However, I am trying to continue to give myself space to be okay with feeling this way (for now). Because...
“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” — Anaïs Nin
And how I am right now is still a mildly-confusing jumble of conflicting emotions. I am fine-- I am happy and productive and taking care of myself and others as best as I know how. This is not a big personal crisis moment, and I could maybe push through and force myself to write something more coherent and sparkly. But the reality is that it is hard to be productive in a pandemic, and I continue to feel unclear about what this all means-- and therefore my own voice-- in this moment. So for now I will keep giving myself space to sit with the uncertainty and lack of clarity and not push things too much. Both to cut myself some slack, and also because...
"There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept." -- Ansel Adams (photographer)
So to save us both, there is not a lot of earnestness this week as much as a conceptually fuzzy dispatch from a fuzzy headed beast. In fact, let's get inspired by those spring vibes: feel free to imagine me as a dozy bear just woken up out of deep hibernation, slowly blinking in the dank, dark warmth of its den, not yet having gathered enough energy to pop its head out from under the snow-- eyes clear and head sharp-- to venture into the chilly spring sun.
Heck! Let's all be bears!
Consider this your invitation to feel okay with being a bear too, if you are also swimming in this fuzzy place right now. It's not a passive place-- there is lots going on. But it can be difficult to feel like there is room to move much. It is a space to be quiet and attentive. Also confused and uncomfortable. But it is okay to rest here for a minute. It's a space in which to listen to your heart, and to honor what you hear as much as you can. It invites you to be what you need to be. To do what you need to do. Options range from superhero to shrinking violet. And all incarnations are acceptable. Your status can change day to day, even hour to hour. And all of it is okay. You are okay. What you are bringing to the table is enough right now. You are doing great.
You gorgeous, fuzzy beast of a bear.
Thank you for being you, in whatever ways you are able to show up today.
But wait! Perhaps all of this talk of bears is feeling a bit too intense on a sunny Sunday morning? Then please feel free to contemplate escaping planet earth entirely, since we have recently detected a radio signal coming from a nearby galaxy
Still too much realness? Then check out this music video lamenting the self-isolation lifestyle we are now all marinating in.
From one contemplative person to another, I am glad that we can be as okay as we can be together. I hope you enjoyed this dispatch, and have an acceptance-filled week!
Until next Sunday,
The Earnest Platypus