Raging aganist the machine (around us and within us)
Hello you doggie paddle.
As we settle into this next phase of massive social transformation, and the weight, urgency and importance of the Black Lives Matter movement continues to weave its way into our individual and collective consciousness, I have been thinking lately about my evolving sense of how system change happens.
Because the reality is that as much as we like to pretend that there are 'neutral,' system-level institutions out there on which we can rely, all of our human biases, pains and dysfunctions are baked into the systems we create. Consequently the 'truth' that is often recognized by these systems is often only true for the people who hold power. But now even "objective" communities such as those committed to rigorous scientific inquiry are admitting they have a racism problem, with major scientific magazines and journals taking a hard look at their claims of objectivity, and reevaluating the entire field. "The enterprise of science has been — and remains — complicit in systemic racism, and it must strive harder to correct those injustices and amplify marginalized voices."
Think about it.
The scientific community is waking up to the fact that it is racist.
And this is just one of thousands of macro-level awakenings happening right now.
This is a big deal.
These macro, system-level awakenings are happening because individuals are awakening to what was broken and what matters now. For people are starting to realize that WE create the systems-- human beings, with all of our flaws and dysfunctions and egos. And because we are the ones that created these macro-level institutions, we can also work together to change them.
I have always been interested in how to create positive change on this macro level. When I started law school many years ago, from the beginning I maintained that I didn't want to practice law in the traditional sense. I wanted to learn about the structures and systems we create so that I could understand them and work around them. But the specifics of HOW to work around these structures was a fuzzy concept for me, and as my career path unfolded, to be honest, I feel like I never really understood it well or got it right much. I have worked for many years in social justice spaces, in advocacy, contributing to global movements and touting the importance of transparency and accountability for creating a better world. But ultimately I think I was focusing on the wrong thing.
For many years, I understood the potential that large-scale policy change held for creating a better world, and was excited by the potential human impact of this large-scale equity work. And I do genuinely believe that major policy change needs to happen as part of transforming society in this moment too. But I now see that for years I missed the most important part of making change happen: namely, that big social transformation is impossible without transforming ourselves too.
As you have likely noticed in these dispatches, I now fully embrace the need to pair inner work with outer impact. Embracing this truth and living this truth are two different things, and frankly I am still very much in learning mode. And in this moment, as I am confronting my own racism and the choices I have made in my life, I have been wondering why I didn't bother to acknowledge the need for personal transformation as part of seeking systemic change until recently (ie: within the past four or five years really). Was it my privileged social and psychological comfort with the status quo? Was it the fear of confronting my own complicity in perpetuating these systems? Was it not wanting to get "messy" by engaging with the painful human emotions of an unequal world? Was it subconsciously buying into the feminization of these "soft skills" of personal integrity and inquiry, and desiring to fit into a more "rational," professionally-accepted approach to global changemaking? I think it was all of these things, and much more. But unfortunately, this lack of self-awareness meant that I spent many years "raging against the machine" rather than recognizing all of the ways that I benefited from and even supported the very machine I was raging against.
This moment of racial confrontation is messy and painful and difficult for everyone, but it is also enormously empowering to our collective sense of self. It is WE who create these systems. And we can see more clearly that without conscious intention and attention, our individual pains and fears get built into the fabric of our societies and culture. I was right about one thing from my early law school days: the systems around us are not static proclamations passed down from some mystical source-- they are ours to adapt and change as we see fit.
So here we all are, trying to change the world: our inner world and the world around us. But just to be clear: while we need to be taking a look inside at our own biases and dysfunctions and flaws, this does not mean we disengage with the world around us and retreat into reflective isolation right now. We need a foot in the internal and the external-- changing the world is a concurrent effort of internal and external, not a consecutive one. As Rachel Cargle has said, antiracism work is not a self-improvement space for white people. At every moment, our efforts must include actively protecting and empowering Black lives.
This balance is deeply important, but it is also awkward. And it means that we will make lots of mistakes, spectacular ones sometimes. But it is the only way forward. By engaging in a concurrent process of intentionally fixing what's in ourselves while firmly acting to demand better and reverse the power imbalances in our systems, we can create a transformational feedback loop of adapting ourselves to the new systems and adapting our systems to what we discover inside. Pulling ourselves forward and pulling our systems forward simultaneously.
So I guess all of this begs the question of how to do this internal work to help change the systems around us. I don't really know myself-- it is all trial and error. But I am learning from others, and am really finding these reflective writing prompts by Leesa Renee Hall really enlightening. I encourage you to visit her website for more advice and perspective (she is a Black Canadian woman, and her work is really good-- and so is often poached-- thanks for the heads up Sally D.), but as a taste of the kinds of questions she is suggesting white people explore:
What was your earliest memory around skin colour? Where were you? Who were you with? Was it something a family member said? Was it an event you and your friends participated in? How did you feel?
Name an early experience when a person of colour made you feel uneasy. Why was that? What made them threatening? What was your response? If they were not threatening, how would you describe them? How does that early experience shape how you interact with people of colour today?
How did your parents or caregivers talk about skin colour? How did their beliefs and views shape you? How do you feel about the words your parents or caregivers use to refer to people of colour today, now that you’re older?
Reflect on a time you were led by a person of colour in a professional setting. What was your experience? Did you accept their leadership? Why or why not? In what ways did you support him/her? In what ways did you sabotage him/her? If you were never led by a person of colour in a professional setting, why do you believe that happened?
Name your favourite television shows, films, radio programs, and/or comic books you consumed as a child and teenager. Were people of colour present? If yes, what roles did they play? What were their characteristics, clothing, and speech? If there were no people of colour present in the materials you consumed, why were they missing? What reasons can you give for their absence? Would this be realistic for the city or town the story took place in? Why or why not?
What does your religion or spirituality teach about people of colour? How has those teachings influence you? Do those teachings align with what you’ve read in the sacred book that guides your religious or spiritual beliefs? Why or why not?
What does power mean to you? Who holds power in the country you live in? What is their gender, race, nationality, sexual orientation, and political stance? In what ways do they reflect you? Do you have the same access to power as those who hold power in your country? Yes or no? If no, what prevents you from gaining access?
Name a time when you had a problem that took months, maybe years, to solve. What was that problem (for example, work, property, health, or legal problems)? How did you feel about the delay? What did you do to raise attention about what you were unhappy about? Who listened to your grievance? How can you use those feelings of being wronged to understand the issue people of colour are protesting?
As a child, how was your anger or sadness handled by your parents, caregivers, older siblings? Were you encouraged to express it, or were you shamed, ridiculed, or humiliated in showing those emotions? How did you witness other family members handling negative emotions? Was it encouraged or was it shut down? By whom? How did that person react? What were the words they used? Do you feel comfortable expressing anger, sadness, or pain in your family today? Why or why not?
And as you delve into these questions, in order to stay with the perspectives you find there and make new choices about how you show up in the world, I liked this article about how to maintain habits (it's written in the context of new years resolutions but has some good tips relevant to transformative anti-racism work too in my opinion). This is a great exercise to explore the emotional landscape of decolonizing yourself without asking for help from BIPOC people (thanks Kirsti M.M.). And if you are into listening as part of learning, I also liked this podcast with Brene Brown and Ibram X. Kendi this week on how to be antiracist, suggesting an approach rooted in vulnerability and connection with self and others.
Take this all in. And act.
It's going to be a long, bumpy, dusty, difficult road, but we are slowly making strides individually and collectively, and I am grateful to be sharing the journey with you.
But wait! Perhaps all of this talk of internal AND external change is feeling a bit too intense on a sunny Sunday morning? Then please feel free to take a moment to be in your body, and enjoy this video of a Japanese calisthenics class (thank you Vanessa M.). There is something so soothing about the low-impact movements and symmetry of the routine. Another small YouTube rabbit hole to explore....
Still too much realness? Then please enjoy this short video asking the age old question: what is soup? The existential angst is on point.
From one reflection-seeking person to another, I am glad that we can challenge our assumptions about ourselves and the world together. I hope you enjoyed this dispatch, and have a transformation-filled week!
Until next Sunday,
The Earnest Platypus