Managing the risks and realities of being human
Hello you boot scootin' boogie.
Happy International Women's Day 2020! Yesterday in Ottawa, the annual Women's March happened, starting on Parliament Hill and making its way through downtown Ottawa. It was an awesome march-- lots of great feminist energy -- although the truth is, while there were hundreds of people in attendance, the crowds were definitely thinner than in previous years.
This fact, however, does not fill me with dread for the fate of the feminist future we are all working towards. Because the reality is that a lot of people stayed away from the crowds to avoid the potential of catching the COVID-19 (or Corona) virus. And I get it. There is a lot of nervous energy out there about this global situation-- which has apparently prompted people to start hoarding hand sanitizer and toilet paper-- and even I unexpectedly absorbed some of the collective anxious vibes. As an immuno-compromised person, I admit that I very briefly thought twice about attending yesterday's march. However the momentary hesitation was fleeting, and I am very glad I took the opportunity to march along with hundreds of other people committed to gender equality.
Yet the fact remains that the thought of skipping the Women's March, however momentary, was an anomaly for me, and has prompted a bit of reflection: namely, I have been thinking about how to live well in the midst of larger social, political or even personal potential crises. This tension between living well and managing risk hearkens back to our explorations about expectation versus acceptance of what "is" in life, but I think the current COVID-19 context also taps into something deeper... Namely existential dread, or our very-human, perpetual fear of death, which consciously or subconsciously underpins so much of what we do in life. While there is a LOT of information out there right now about how to manage the risk to one's physical body in the wake of this soon-to-be-declared pandemic, there is not a lot of information out there talking about how to manage the risk while also navigating the fear of death and still living a meaningful life.
Not that I really know how to do this particularly well myself. But I do know that there are good reasons generally to remember death while living life, and there is lots of advice about how to manage one's existential dread (including a well-read Wiki-How entry.... seriously.) So in that spirit, I thought it would be helpful to share a few tips I have appreciated in the past for taking care of yourself during stressful times.
Stop, breathe, and tell yourself: “This is hard and I will get through this 1 step at a time.” During an unexpected event or crisis, we are faced with dealing with a new reality and it takes time to incorporate what happened into our every day lives. Identify the steps you need to take first, write them down, and focus on each step one at a time…if you look at everything you have to do, you will become overwhelmed. Remember you can only do 1 thing at time and focus exclusively on that 1 thing.
Acknowledge to yourself what you are feeling. All feelings are normal so accept whatever you are feeling. Once you recognize, name, and accept your feelings, you feel less out of control. You can then find a comfortable place to express your feelings. During periods of extreme stress and grief, it is very hard to hold back your feelings, particularly your tears and anger. This is normal so describe this as grieving or sadness or anger…you are not falling apart…you are grieving or feeling angry-sadness. It is important during this time of intense feelings to own your feelings and NOT hurt yourself or lash out at someone else.
Find someone who listens and is accepting. You don’t need advice. You need to be heard. Sharing our story is how we begin to accept whatever happened and integrate it into our new reality. It may be that you just need to let go of your expectations of how things should be and talking about your feelings and beliefs is the beginning of that process.
Maintain your normal routine as much as possible. Making everyday decisions…deciding to get dressed, do the dishes, or go to work, for example, gives you a sense of control and feels comforting as it is a familiar activity. Be realistic with what you can do and remember everything right now will take you longer to do. Avoid making major decisions based on the stress you feel right now
Allow plenty of time for a task. You will not be as productive as you normally are. Accept how much you are able to do right now and recognize it will not be this way forever. During periods of extreme stress, prolonged stress or after a crisis, your ability to concentrate and focus on tasks is diminished and it will take time for your concentration to return so give yourself extra time and be gentle and accepting of yourself and what you can do.
I guess what I am trying to remember in this moment is that, ultimately, when it comes to balancing risk and living well, "nothing in life is as important as you think it is, while you are thinking about it” (thanks again, Daniel Kahneman). And that goes for both the good we want to create and the risk we need to navigate. The exercise is not about abandoning the future, nor about pretending feelings of (imagined or real) fear and anxiety don't exist or are unfounded. Instead, I am trying to stay connected to my heart, get better at accepting what "is", and living as much as possible in such a way that if I were to die tomorrow, that I would be okay with that.
I understand that there are risks associated with this virus. And as someone in the "high risk" category, I am being careful and taking lots of precautions. But I am also trying not to have my head and heart peremptorily taken over by the virus as well. I want to stay involved with the world, to spend time among other people doing things that matter. Not only does this help me remain connected to the world, but it also helps me stay connected to why we are afraid of death in the first place and why any of this "life" thing matters at all. What will be, will be. We can't control much of what life throws at us. But we can control how we choose to live with the inevitable uncertainty of being.
But wait! Perhaps all of this talk of managing existential dread is feeling a bit too intense on a sunny Sunday morning? Then please check out this beautiful gallery of the 15 most awe-inspiring space images of the last decade.
Still too much realness? Then check out this new short video from Weird Al about the surreal dangers of touching your face in the wake of the spreading COVID-19 virus...
From one hand-sanitizing person to another, I am glad that we can stay connected to what matters to us in the midst of chaos together. I hope you enjoyed this dispatch, and have a health-filled week!
Until next Sunday,
The Earnest Platypus