So we meet again, self...
Hello you fish out of water.
In the dark frozen depths of winter, there is nothing like a little "self-care" to keep the batteries charged until spring begins to sprung. I have been reading a bit lately about what the idea of taking care of oneself can mean, and thinking about how to build a care-full life.
In general, the phrase 'self care' has really taken on a consumer-focused, easy-fix, self-indulgent undertone, but there is some more complex thinking out there that goes beyond "...salt baths and chocolate cake. [True self-care] is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from." For those of us who often feel awash in a vast ocean of advertising/life chaos, this can be a really interesting reframing of the concept of self-care, and I have been beginning to play around with this idea of building a life from which you don't need to regularly escape.
Some of these include:
Present Me doing gifts for Future Me: This is going to sound a little heavy-handed-- and of course I know Present Me and Future Me are the same person-- but it has been surprising how much self-compassion is created when Present Me consciously performs small, thoughtful gestures for Future Me. For example, I know that I am my most inspired and energetic when I first wake up, so every morning Present Me does a few small things to make Future Me feel loved. This includes often working out when I first get up (so I know I have a small bit of exercise under my belt to feel good about), and making my bed before hopping in the shower in the morning (Future Me loooooves getting into a tidy bed at night). At the end of each day, Future Me always experiences these small gestures with such gratitude. In a way it feels strange to be so grateful to myself, but I always am. This idea can also extend well beyond daily habits: for example, sometimes even though she is tired and just wants to crash at home, Present Me will go and fill the almost-empty gas tank in the car so that Future Me will not have to try to deal with it when she is rushing to go somewhere later in the week. The next time I get into the car and see the full tank, I always feel a little burst of gratitude for the time I took to make sure I would have a good experience the next time I needed to get somewhere in a hurry. All simple, small things, but done and received with (self) love.
Reflection inflection: There is so much to distract us in daily life, and like everyone, I will happily fall prey to a Netflix binge or a YouTube rabbit hole or an epic twitter thread from time to time (to time to time). However, I have been trying to build more habits that allow me to be more deliberate about the way I spend my waking hours, so that I am spending more time living consciously. This includes a daily meditation practice (still recommending the Waking Up app!), as well as creating more pauses and spaces in my day to stop, even for a moment or two, and reflect on what I am doing in that moment, and why. This felt a little obtrusive and mechanical at the beginning, but taking a second or two to get off the merry-go-round of the day and look at the big picture has been really helpful to keep me tuned in to what is actually important to me, and to check in and keep connected to what actually matters. I also really like this list from Bianna Weist of 30 things to help bring you back to the big picture, and I have revisited it several times of the past couple of years.
Appreciating the little things: Barf. Right?! We have heard this a million times. I know this insight is the dead-horse of the self-care world. But friends, even the dankest, gag-inducing tropes have a kernel of truth. I know this seems a little counter-intuitive after the anti-consumeristic rant at the beginning. But sometimes appreciating the little things (for me) is not about escaping life as much as embracing the meat sack in which you live (aka your body), figuring out what you like and what is important to you, and then inching a little further towards joy. With this caveat in place, lately I have been appreciating the rich flavour punch of smoked paprika (try it on eggs!), the eco-friendliness and scented marvel of using bar soap instead of liquid soap, the joy of writing with a high-flow pen, the natural earthy perfume of beeswax candles, and the awesomeness of the Westminster Dog Show finals (PS: I HIGHLY recommend watching the Toy Dog group finals in particular). Nothing revolutionary, all self-indulgent, but I am grateful for the many small earthly privileges that I have access to which make my day feel rich and full.
And if all else fails and self-care is just not happening for you right now, just watch this clip of how happy people get when the DVD screen saver hits the corner of the screen...
From one evolving, imperfect, experimental person to another, I am glad that we can share ideas for caring together. I hope you enjoyed this dispatch, and have a joy-filled week!
Until next Sunday,
The Earnest Platypus