Seeking inclusion (GUEST BLOG)
Hello you Crispy Crunch.
Because yes, I am guilty of eating A LOT of my kids Halloween candy. It is for their own good, right? Saving them cavities? I am stopping now. Seriously. Maybe just their chips. Is that the type of introduction of myself you were thinking, Amy? And please – don’t anyone, ever, give out smarties for Halloween.
My name is Tara and I am very happy and intimidated to be taking over Amy’s blog for this week. Here goes…
So, “Inclusion.” This is a word, idea, process, experience, etc. that I have been thinking A LOT about. I also very much enjoyed the Earnest Platypus blog on racism and white privilege of Sept. 22nd, and have taken it as an invitation to continue this essential conversation.
Starting out this year, I thought I knew what inclusion was and means for myself and others. I had always thought of myself as somewhat of an inclusion crusader- someone that makes an effort to support people’s engagement in situations, environments, and cultural contexts that might be unfamiliar, uncomfortable or maybe even painful. AND THEN, I discovered by means of some helpful, albeit difficult, interactions, that I might not be so good at helping people feel included as I think. In fact, because of my white privilege and unconscious bias, I am part of a system that excludes people, particularly people of colour, but really lots of people and in all kinds of ways. So readers, I am writing to humbly share some of my discoveries over the last little while, in the off chance these micro steps forward happen to resonate or are of interest. And, because I like lists, here come five learnings in no particular order:
1. There is no such thing as a safe space.
I started this learning journey taking for granted that if I, or anyone else for that matter, learned as much as possible, developed and increased sensitivity to other peoples’ experiences, educated myself on my white privilege and harm it has caused and continues to cause, and became comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, then it would be possible to create a safe space for myself and others. HOWEVER, a smart person has pointed out to me that actually, what is necessary is the creation of BRAVE SPACES. I love this explanation as described in a communications guide from the Alliance of White Anti-Racist Everywhere I found here:
Our understanding is that the movement toward “safe space” began out of trauma work. Over time, perhaps recognizing the link between the history of racism and trauma, people working in diversity, inclusion, and equity efforts adopted the “safe space” language. Unfortunately, many noticed that in dialogues investigating issues of race, there was a tendency for white people to claim that a space was not “safe” if they were challenged, became uncomfortable, and felt that their opinions were not validated. This also tended to occur as a reaction against the testimony of people of color.
As white people working to cultivate a culture of anti-racism, we are called to create a “brave space” where we accept the likelihood that we will be uncomfortable when investigating issues of race, privilege, and oppression and our roles within them. We recognize that this works because we meet as a racially-caucused group, as asking people of color to be “brave” in multi-racial dialogues can be problematic.
2. There needs to be opportunities for white people, like myself, to ask stupid questions, and increase their understanding, but not at the expense of those we have and are harming.
Apologies if this is the most obvious of obvious, but the white education process needs to first take place in a racially-caucused group, and guided by those who are more educated and/or have more experience acknowledging their own white privilege. AND who know how to listen deeply. The learning process should not continue to harm people. There are also so many resources and thinkers to help guide us towards a deeper understanding of our role and white privilege. Take UNtraining for example, their training explores what it means to be white, bringing awareness to white conditioning and privilege that we did not choose as children, but that we can take responsibility for as adults. I do think it is important that aspects of the training are in person, with ample opportunity for discussion and exploration of others’ perspectives.
3. It can be helpful to declare your white privilege, but not in a way that takes credit for doing this essential work.
It has been refreshing to take a deeper dive into what it really means to be an “Ally.” I find the term is used so commonly, that I am now unsure what it really means. However, I now know what it is not – it is not taking credit in ANY way for your “good deeds” as a white person. As Jay Dodd’s article in the Huffington Post explains, Allyship, in its best form, is constant work. Where I can align myself with particular struggles, I am never exempt from the work… I refuse to take praise for defending people and stories and experiences that should not have to be defended. The moment I do, my own privilege is reproduced, and their marginalization solidified.
4. Anger is clarifying.
It is true, anger makes us, and me, uncomfortable. However, I have a new-found respect for the clarifying qualities of anger, and it’s ability to point out when and how harm has been done.
5. Inclusion happens one relationship at a time.
I yearn for an inclusive society. But in order for me to help build that society, I have to deepen my own relationships, not just with people of colour or with people who look or act differently from me, but starting with my family members, my friends, and my neighbours. I have a responsibility to expand my ability to be present for them and listen deeply, without ego. I believe that as I increase my capacity to be open, I will have the ability to cultivate relationships with people in a way that could potentially help heal wounds caused by discrimination and exclusion.
Relationship building takes time, space and presence. I believe that if we don’t all do this work, it will be business as usual, with organizations faking their way to diversity, and using diversity policies as a way to continue white dominance. As this Harvard Business Review article points out…
Most people assume that diversity policies make companies fairer for women and minorities, though the data suggest otherwise. Even when there is clear evidence of discrimination at a company, the presence of a diversity policy leads people to discount claims of unfair treatment. In previous research, we’ve found that this is especially true for members of dominant groups and those who tend to believe that the system is generally fair...
I know that I am just scratching the surface of this conversation, but consider this blog entry an open invitation to engage with me or others in your life on the subject. I know there is a lot of fear in North America around race conversations. Fear of hurting others, fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of discovering something uncomfortable about yourself, fear of not being able to stay present with opposing views. I hope you (and I!) can find a brave space to engage with others. I know that a lot of you share the motivation to live in a society that flourishes because everyone can participate and belong. So let’s do that, one conversation at a time.
And if you want an uncomfortable book to read, check out White Fragility.
If you want to dive head first into personal, societal and environmental transformation, check out this free Theory U course offered through MIT. 65,000 people have taken it!
Maybe you just need a break to let off some steam, so check out this video of the Fastest Mochi Maker in Japan.
From one evolving person to another, I am glad that we can learn and be better together. I hope you enjoyed this dispatch, and have a love-filled week!
Until next Sunday,
Tara, on behalf of the Earnest Platypus